Hi, it's been a while since my last post, more than a month. Well, here is my yet another post. This is from a friends blog. A nice article by the way. Read along....
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I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me, if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other. Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you.
I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.
Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is! You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways!
I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes. I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey.
But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love. At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams. It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love.
And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait. And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you!
In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me .
-- Contributed by Alma M. Alvarez
Shared by Joe Gatuslao
Bacolod City, Philippines
Friday, December 09, 2005
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Heart Test
From my mail
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As she stood in front of her 5th grade classon the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy namedTeddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the yearbefore and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompsonwould actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X'sand then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last.However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy isa bright child with a ready laugh. He doeshis work neatly and has good manners....he is a joy to be around.."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is anexcellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother'sdeath has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddyis withdrawn and doesn't show much interestin school. He doesn't have many friends andhe sometimes sleeps in class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problemand she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought herChristmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's.His present was clumsily wrapped in the ; heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag Mrs. Thompson took pains to open itin the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some ofthe stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifledthe children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on,and dabbing some of the perfume on herwrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs.Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.
On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough attimes, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college withthe highest of honors. He assured Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to goa little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer....The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married.He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs.Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guesswhat? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes,whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taughtme that I could make a difference. I didn'tknow how to teach until I met you! "(For those of you who don't know, TeddyStoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in DesMoines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along.
I love this story so very much, I cry every timeI read it. Just try to make a difference in someone's life today? tomorrow? just "do it".Random acts of kindness, I think they call it?
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As she stood in front of her 5th grade classon the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy namedTeddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the yearbefore and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompsonwould actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X'sand then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last.However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy isa bright child with a ready laugh. He doeshis work neatly and has good manners....he is a joy to be around.."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is anexcellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."
His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother'sdeath has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."
Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddyis withdrawn and doesn't show much interestin school. He doesn't have many friends andhe sometimes sleeps in class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problemand she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought herChristmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's.His present was clumsily wrapped in the ; heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag Mrs. Thompson took pains to open itin the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some ofthe stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume.. But she stifledthe children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on,and dabbing some of the perfume on herwrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs.Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.
On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough attimes, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college withthe highest of honors. He assured Mrs.Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to goa little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer....The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that Spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married.He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs.Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guesswhat? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes,whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taughtme that I could make a difference. I didn'tknow how to teach until I met you! "(For those of you who don't know, TeddyStoddard is the Dr. at Iowa Methodist in DesMoines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)Warm someone's heart today. . . pass this along.
I love this story so very much, I cry every timeI read it. Just try to make a difference in someone's life today? tomorrow? just "do it".Random acts of kindness, I think they call it?
Monday, October 31, 2005
Don’t give for me, for now I’m free,
Don’t give for me, for now I’m free,
I’m following the path God laid for me,
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to work or play.
Task left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy,
A love shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow,
My life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief,
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
I’m following the path God laid for me,
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to work or play.
Task left undone must stay that way,
I found that place at the close of the day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy,
A love shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Ah, yes, these things, I too, will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow,
My life’s been full, I savored much,
Good friends, good times, a loved one’s touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don’t lengthen it now with undue grief,
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, He set me free.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Breakfast @ Jollibee
Another article in my email that touched my heart, I just want to share it.
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I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology.
The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called "Smile."
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.
I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to Jollibee's one crisp March morning.
It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.
We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.
I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.
As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling".
His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.
He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.
The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.
I held my tears as I stood there with them.
The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.
He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).
Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.
That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.
I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.
I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you."
I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope."
We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.
We are not church goers, but we are believers.
That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.
I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it.
Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?"
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.
She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.
In my own way I had touched the people at Jollibee's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.
I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
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There you go...touching story isn't it? It's message..........priceless!!!
~ciao
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I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.
The last class I had to take was Sociology.
The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.
Her last project of the term was called "Smile."
The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions.
I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally.
Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to Jollibee's one crisp March morning.
It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son.
We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did.
I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved.
As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men.
As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling".
His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance.
He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.
The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation.
I held my tears as I stood there with them.
The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted.
He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm).
Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes.
That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action.
I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray.
I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand.
He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you."
I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope."
I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope."
We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give.
We are not church goers, but we are believers.
That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love.
I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand.
I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it.
Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?"
I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.
She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed.
In my own way I had touched the people at Jollibee's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student.
I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE.
Much love and compassion is sent to each and every person who may read this and learn how to LOVE PEOPLE AND USE THINGS - NOT LOVE THINGS AND USE PEOPLE.
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There you go...touching story isn't it? It's message..........priceless!!!
~ciao
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Of letting go...and moving on
I got this article from my mail the other day...and it struck me like a piercing arrow, it hit me hard, but not hard enough to knock me down. Nice article I said...but then again...this might interest some people out there who, up until now, clinging to the past, can't let go and can't move on, still reminiscing the good old days. Read along:
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This is one of the mornings after another sleepless night that I cannot help not ask myself, why didn't I have a good night sleep again? Then I would just joke myself and answer it with, maybe someone's been thinking of me all night....hahaha!
Jokes are always half-meant, a friend said once. And maybe...just maybe, behind that joke, there's this wishful thinking that someone has really been thinking of me. Then the memory of someone from the past would, again, bounce in my head disturb my sanity and make my day half-miserable.
What if (s)he's thinking about me? What if (s)he still loves me? It's just another imagination, I know. Another day of what if's and maybe's.For the nth time, I've told myself that when it's over, it's really over! There's no sense turning back or even trying to pick up the pieces again. It's time to move on and face the reality!
When it's over, is it really over? When you decide to let go, do you really succeed in letting go? I just heard the latest song of Sugar Ray a while ago. Here's the few lines that caught my attention: When it's over, That's the time I fall in love again... When it's over, That's the time you're in my heart again... How can you possibly say it's over when you're still in love with the personyou said you were over with already? I guess it's not that easy when the chain of the past locks you in the chest of false hopes and leads you to a place called fantasy.
How pathetic! But, admit it or not, it's true... The hardest part of losing a loved one is to accept the fact that they're gone and might never come back again. There are things that will always remind you of your togetherness...the places you've been, the way you held hands, his favorite food/merienda you used to cook/buy for him/her, expressionsyou used to hear from him/her and songs you've both loved to sing. These are the memories that'd linger on your mind from time to time.
Because you were both in love before(or so you think), it makes you hope for another chance. You begin to believe on what others said that love is lovelier the second time around and the line from Ally McBeal, "whoever said that 'plenty of fish in the sea' thing is lying. Sometimes, there's only one...trust me."
We would desperately believe that what happens in the movies might also happen to us one day. Who didn't like the lines from the movie "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts told Richard Gere, "I guarantee that we'll have tough time; I guarantee that in some point, one of us would want to get out; I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret this for the rest of my life, 'coz I know in my heart...you're the only one for me."
We tend to think that the person who left us will come back one day and say those words, or just simple words but would promise forever. Problems may occur every now and then, but we would consider those things as trials to be conquered in order for the relationship to bloom and mature.
Oouucchh! Reality just bit me! More often than not, these romantic movies and mushy love songs only make us long for something we cannot have...and for someone who cannot be ours again. It hurts to admit that we are just pretending. All the while, we already knew the truth but we ignore it. When the damage is done, there's nothing left to do but cry...to mourn for the bitterness in our hearts. Then curse anybody who gets in the way.
I'm scared!!! As long as we still hold on to the past, the chance of meeting someone new may be a bit far off the field. The fear of trusting and falling in love again may also hinder us to grow and move on. We are hesitant to take the risk, afraid that we may get hurt again. Because of the negative thoughts stocked in our brains and in our sub-concious mind, we refuse to go out from our self-made world and deprive ourselves from new opportunities, whether in love affairs or careerwise.
Let's face it! Betrayal can be anywhere and anyone can be a victim. The worst part is when the one we truly, madly and deeply love is the one who will betray us in the end. Then we are left with nothing but a broken heart and wounded pride. Sad... but true.
Reality check please... It can happen to anyone but we shouldn't just take things as it comes. An action must be done. We should take care of ourselves from the hungry wolves in the jungle. It's just a matter of survival. Stand up when you fall.
It's okay to cry as hard and as long as you want to, just make sure that when you stop crying, you won't cry for the same reason anymore.
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Well, what do you think? TRUE? Yes it is true.. it happened to me once, it's not easy but Im glad the storm has passed already and I'm looking at the rainbows and the rays of the sun now.
Letting go is never easy till you find the truth behind the reason of your breakup, for others out there, who are still looking for the reason, seeking the truth behind your lost love, brace yourselves, coz when the truth is finally revealed to you...you may not have enough the courage to face it.
Til next time.
~ciao
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Underwater Babies
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Don't you love those kids...cute and cudly...yummy and bubly! weeeeeeeee :P~
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
Happy Birthday My Blog
Hi,
Welcome to my Blog, it's been a year already that I have created my online journal, though I seldomly update it, but I still love it, and make to a point that I visit and/or update my blog whenever I can.
Since, it's been a year, I would like to greet my BLOG a very happy 1st b-day! HAPPY BIRTHDAY my BLOGGER!!!!
I hope you still have many more blogs to show, and update and many more post to come! Coming from me of course! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOGGER.
~more updates to come...
~ciao
Welcome to my Blog, it's been a year already that I have created my online journal, though I seldomly update it, but I still love it, and make to a point that I visit and/or update my blog whenever I can.
Since, it's been a year, I would like to greet my BLOG a very happy 1st b-day! HAPPY BIRTHDAY my BLOGGER!!!!
I hope you still have many more blogs to show, and update and many more post to come! Coming from me of course! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLOGGER.
~more updates to come...
~ciao
Friday, June 17, 2005
Hey!
heyah!
It's been a while, more than a week....I guess since my last post. Well, im still here! ^_^. It's been a very very so so week, last week. I've done a lot of stuff in my life, and I dont know whether is right or wrong.
Anyways.....im gonna update this blog soon, im just gathering my thoughts and emotions. If you're gonna ask me, how am I going with my life? Well, my life goes on....recovering and slowly picking up the pieces and mending back my broken heart. Heheheheh, Im alright!!!
~ciao
It's been a while, more than a week....I guess since my last post. Well, im still here! ^_^. It's been a very very so so week, last week. I've done a lot of stuff in my life, and I dont know whether is right or wrong.
Anyways.....im gonna update this blog soon, im just gathering my thoughts and emotions. If you're gonna ask me, how am I going with my life? Well, my life goes on....recovering and slowly picking up the pieces and mending back my broken heart. Heheheheh, Im alright!!!
~ciao
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Fire! Burn! Blaze!
Hmmm....it's been almost a week, I havent posted much lately due to my emotional battle that rages on my HEART & HEAD.
Where do I start. Just that I thought Im feeling okey and on going recovery from this dillema, comes another barrage of emotional distress....aaaaaarrrrgh. The feeling of being lonely and emptiness inside is killing me from day to day living. I can't stop thinking about her, darn! Am I that really in-love with her? How stupid of me!!! I want to shout aloud aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I'm in emotional distress now, maybe I should accept the facts that she doesnt love me anymore and move on. That's what my TRUE Friends are telling me, move on, take it easy, relax, and enjoy life in a different perspective. Easy for them to say but it's hard, really hard...super hard to phreaking do! In every aspect of life, one remains constant....CHANGE...that's the only thing in this world that is constant. That every good/bad things has an end. That every good you experienced may end up bad and every bad situations you endure makes you a bitter person, but if you learn the lesson well, makes you a better person. You just have to learn the lesson from it.
Though it's hard for me to accept things....im still in DENIAL stage, failing to accept or not wanting to accept the reality presented in front of me. This is so phreaking not true...but it is TRUE! But one thing is certain, after this storm, there is a rainbow waiting for me in the horizon, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that after all this......I will become a better person.
"God will never leave you empty, He will replace everything you've lost. If He ask you to put something down, it's because He wants you to pick up something better." - Rose Lynee Y. Sereño
Thank you very much Rose, for being there always. ^_^
Where do I start. Just that I thought Im feeling okey and on going recovery from this dillema, comes another barrage of emotional distress....aaaaaarrrrgh. The feeling of being lonely and emptiness inside is killing me from day to day living. I can't stop thinking about her, darn! Am I that really in-love with her? How stupid of me!!! I want to shout aloud aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
I'm in emotional distress now, maybe I should accept the facts that she doesnt love me anymore and move on. That's what my TRUE Friends are telling me, move on, take it easy, relax, and enjoy life in a different perspective. Easy for them to say but it's hard, really hard...super hard to phreaking do! In every aspect of life, one remains constant....CHANGE...that's the only thing in this world that is constant. That every good/bad things has an end. That every good you experienced may end up bad and every bad situations you endure makes you a bitter person, but if you learn the lesson well, makes you a better person. You just have to learn the lesson from it.
Though it's hard for me to accept things....im still in DENIAL stage, failing to accept or not wanting to accept the reality presented in front of me. This is so phreaking not true...but it is TRUE! But one thing is certain, after this storm, there is a rainbow waiting for me in the horizon, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that after all this......I will become a better person.
"God will never leave you empty, He will replace everything you've lost. If He ask you to put something down, it's because He wants you to pick up something better." - Rose Lynee Y. Sereño
Thank you very much Rose, for being there always. ^_^
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
hi! hi!
Heya!~
Im just dropping by. Im kinda okey now, though not really like before Im still wounded. The pain is still there it keeps coming back from time to time and it still hurts like h3ll! It's too unbearable sometimes, but life goes on. The Lord must have a reason for all this, and this I must endure till I fully recover from the pain and suffering and be completely healed.
Well, just an update. I still live, my life still goes on. Im just looking at the positive side of this situation, it's a trick actually and it helps~it helps a lot!
Im just dropping by. Im kinda okey now, though not really like before Im still wounded. The pain is still there it keeps coming back from time to time and it still hurts like h3ll! It's too unbearable sometimes, but life goes on. The Lord must have a reason for all this, and this I must endure till I fully recover from the pain and suffering and be completely healed.
Well, just an update. I still live, my life still goes on. Im just looking at the positive side of this situation, it's a trick actually and it helps~it helps a lot!
Lead me Lord, lead me by the hand
And make me face the rising sun
Comfort me through all the pain that life may bring
There's no other hope that I can lean upon
Lead me Lord Lead me all my life
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
BLOG Update: postponed
Hey, i promised an update for the week right? Right! But this week's event is way too heavy to post, and the complex event that had happened is kind'a painful for me to remember/type/share it online right now.
It's because that it's too personal, it's too unforgetable, and it's too traumatic. Way way way too traumatic.
I promised someone that I would update my blog for the week, but I'm very sorry to disappoint "YOU", coz there's no update for the week :( too bad really. But it's too painful for me to share it right now.
Maybe, when I can recover from this traumatic event of my life, that's the time I can share/talk about it. In the meantime, I will still be updating my blog occasionally about some other stuff in life, dont worry! :P
Lastly, I would like to quote a line from the movie STAR WARS III: Revenge of the Sith.
It's because that it's too personal, it's too unforgetable, and it's too traumatic. Way way way too traumatic.
I promised someone that I would update my blog for the week, but I'm very sorry to disappoint "YOU", coz there's no update for the week :( too bad really. But it's too painful for me to share it right now.
Maybe, when I can recover from this traumatic event of my life, that's the time I can share/talk about it. In the meantime, I will still be updating my blog occasionally about some other stuff in life, dont worry! :P
Lastly, I would like to quote a line from the movie STAR WARS III: Revenge of the Sith.
"You must train yourself to let go of the one you love"
~ciao
Friday, May 20, 2005
a Kiss from a Beer, then shiver and fleer.
*UPDATE*
My last week's update is to be posted soon, im just finishing the remaining days of the week.
May 20, 2005
After office hours, my officemates and I went out for a drink in EarthWeb Cafe SM, well, just drink a little to unwind and discuss some life busting problems! jk! :P At 10pm we decided to move to the place, when we arrived, we ordered a round of drinks just to get started.
Since it's friday, many faces were seen outside the cafe, coz the establishment next to the Cafe is a Disco Bar. We had our laughs and praises.....a lot of beautiful and not so desirable people are going in and out in the Cafe and in the disco bar. We all just watch with awe....and boohs. Oh well, before we know it, it's already 3am and it's our 3rd round of drinks...im pretty sure me and my officemates were tipsy coz most of our conversation was getting more and more nonsense.
So after the last drop of drinks had been serve, we went home on our separate ways. Oh...not yet, we took a cab and they dropped me the road near my place. I took the plate number of the cab, the model of the vehicle and the name of the taxi. While walking I've sent an SMS message to two of my officemates who had their cellphone just to inform them about the vehicle they were riding in case something happen, you know...(concern stuff!). Here is the details: White Toyota Corolla, Emerson Taxi, Plate Number GVL 116. See...I wasn't that drunk! :P ^_^
When I got home, I immediately changed to a more comfy clothes and since it's really hot that night, I slept in my undies. Whoah! that's censored? ....................not!. I said my prayer then...closed my eyes then my world went blank.
My last week's update is to be posted soon, im just finishing the remaining days of the week.
May 20, 2005
After office hours, my officemates and I went out for a drink in EarthWeb Cafe SM, well, just drink a little to unwind and discuss some life busting problems! jk! :P At 10pm we decided to move to the place, when we arrived, we ordered a round of drinks just to get started.
Since it's friday, many faces were seen outside the cafe, coz the establishment next to the Cafe is a Disco Bar. We had our laughs and praises.....a lot of beautiful and not so desirable people are going in and out in the Cafe and in the disco bar. We all just watch with awe....and boohs. Oh well, before we know it, it's already 3am and it's our 3rd round of drinks...im pretty sure me and my officemates were tipsy coz most of our conversation was getting more and more nonsense.
So after the last drop of drinks had been serve, we went home on our separate ways. Oh...not yet, we took a cab and they dropped me the road near my place. I took the plate number of the cab, the model of the vehicle and the name of the taxi. While walking I've sent an SMS message to two of my officemates who had their cellphone just to inform them about the vehicle they were riding in case something happen, you know...(concern stuff!). Here is the details: White Toyota Corolla, Emerson Taxi, Plate Number GVL 116. See...I wasn't that drunk! :P ^_^
When I got home, I immediately changed to a more comfy clothes and since it's really hot that night, I slept in my undies. Whoah! that's censored? ....................not!. I said my prayer then...closed my eyes then my world went blank.
"I miss"--my BLOG week long update!
Saturday, 21th of May 2005:
*My rest day, my day off!
I woke up with a little feeling of headache.....as a result of our night-out last night. Hehehe...I just stayed in bed for a while and tried to let the feeling subside until I can get over this kind of whatever...(side effects of having too much drink...but amazingly I wasnt drunk). That's what you get from drinking too much beer(???).
When I got up, I wash my face and went straight to my cousin's house to read the local news, eat my brunch and went online to update my blog. Since dindin(the youngest son of my cousin, and everyone's fav bunsoy) is also using the PC to play ragnarok, I have to cut my updating short and let him use the PC. Adorable kid! We used to play WWF Wrestling together in their sala, when he was not yet hooked on ragnarok. :P
After watching him play and guiding him in game, I went off to StarTrax Internet Cafe to update my BLOG! After 3hours of comtemplating/re-evaluating the obsence(lols) events that had happened/ and typing......Woooooooooohuuuuu!~!!!!! and it's done! hehehe...I just have to update it tomorrow. Im off for now!
see u tomorrow! :P~
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As promised, here is my whole week update! :P
Last update: May 21, 2005 Time: 6:45pm
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Hey! It's been a while since my last update of my BLOG. It has been a week already!!! x.X Shame on me XD. Im gonna update this blog soon, right know im kinda busy...my brain is not working properly....im stressed out of the week's work....jeeezzzz. I need a vacation, in New York! :P
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Well, just to summarize what I have done in the past week, hmmmm.....let me start last:
Saturday 14th of May, 2005:
*This is just a summary details will be posted later*
it's my day off, but I have a dinner date with my dear friend Dabie, after the delicious dinner, we watched a very nice movie Kingdom of Heaven, after a few talks, she went home, I went online to my FAV Forum spot iSTORYA.net. Then I went home @ 1:30am to sleep.
*The details*
Well Saturday basically my day off, no work for me. ^_^ Let's start from the time I wake up hmmm. I got up at around 9:30am....flexing muscles a little bit then goes out, to my cousin's house to play Ragnarok(an ONLINE game). Then at 2pm I took a bath to meet this dear friend of mine. I promised her a dinner date at this cozy place, coz we haven't seen/talk in while(since graduating High School, just imagine how many years was that :P). I arrive in SM around 3:30pm and waited till 5pm. We're supposed to meet @ 5pm and go the place together.
After an hour, my friend Dabie(her name is DABIE btw) sent an SMS telling me to fetch her @ Globe Business Center in SM. So off I went and we met there. After a few, hi's and hello's and chitchat we decided to walk and bought a book from National Bookstore for her reference in the subject she's handling Turbo Pascal. And since, it's still early and the sun is still up, we strolledaround the mall and talk about our life. The usual how are you?, how's it goin? kind of question.
When we noticed that it's about 5:30, we took a cab and went to the place. We arrived 15mins after, since there is no traffic, and the driver of the cab knows his way around the road in the city. The name of the place btw is Casa Verde, it got a lot of referrals from my friends and cousins, it famous for their affordable "Baby Back Ribs" and "Death by Chocolate" dessert. I wanted to take HONEY their but since she's away and were not in good terms, I tookDabie instead.
After we ordered our meal from the waiter, dinner time! And it's the baby back ribs alright as our main course! It's huge....so big that it's enough for two person. Aside from being affordable, it's also delicious, the meat is tender and juicy. Idont have to describe it all, over-all the dinner was superb. After dinner, we decided to watch "Kingdom of Heaven". After watching.....and few talks about my demise(sarcasm!!! eeeebil!), we decided to go home and went on our separate ways, she went home and I went online, post some stuff in iSTORYA.net, played an online game, then I went home around 1:30am. Feeling down again....was able to sleep @3am....I think.
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Sunday 15th of May, 2005:
I woke up feeling nostalgic to my one and only....again...I felt empty inside. It was exactly 1 week since we last spoke, and our last conversation was not that good, about letting her go. I was kinda mad in explaining about it, but our conversation was interupted coz we're out of cellphone load. Just thinking about it, makes me feel....ugh! Never mind!
Stayed in bed for a while, thinking about just everything that happened to us. I was thinking of her, I was thinking of our future/her future/my future and all the possibilities there is. After a lot of thinking, I stood up, and said to myself, I have to move on....time will wait for no one if I dont do something about my future(bah! talking big, but deep inside im empty without her). I went outside, saw my brothers in the place where most of towns people hang out. I have to moved on....somehow It made me comfortable for a while, and it's good. :)
After lunch, I went to the office to prepare for my class in the afternoon @ 4:00pm, called Dabie, made a few chatter then attend to my class. After my class, I went home and changed to my casual clothes. When I as about to sleep, Im feeling lonely again. I got up, and went online again, hoping that I can catch her in YM! by chance, I am missing her so much! Since my efforts was futile, I went home with the nostalgic feeling again.
In my room for about 2 hours later, I still couldnt sleep, I just keep on consoling my self, I grab a motivational book, and read a few pages, then one page made me snap to my senses.
"If no one else would motivate you, MOTIVATE yourself.", more or less it sound that way. Then I told my self, I can move on...I can move on...life will definitely move on. Then suddenly, I've found peace in me, and last thing I noticed was, I am sleeping. :)
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Monday 16th of May, 2005:
This day, I woke early @6am I was already awake. I got up, eat my breakfast and took a bath and ready my self to process my NBI(National Bureau of Investigation) Clearance, one of the requirements for acquiring a PASSPORT to travel in other countries. Me and two of my officemates had a scheduled to meet at "La Fortuna Bakeshop" near the Capitol of Cebu.
I arrived at exactly 10am in the meeting place, while my two companion was on their way also. Few minutes later, we went to the NBI office to process our clearance. During processing, I saw a familiar face, it was Charo, a dear friend way back in college days. She was also processing her NBI Clearance in preparation to apply another job in other company. We made a few chatter while she was falling in line to pay in the cashier, after that we I say goodbye to her then, we went off the place and report to the office for duty. We arrived at exatcly 11:30am, thirty minutes earlier for our reporting time. I am happy, during this day, I have seen a familiar face, that made me realize that life is really worth exploring than just working and going home routine.
At 1pm, I had a class with my student, Abbey. Then 3pm another class for Advance C Programming, then in 5pm, C++ Programming. 7pm I was already free, and posting some stuff in iSTORYA.net. Went home, feeling kinda lonely again. I am missing her so much than before, I couldnt bear it any longer, I've sent two messages via SMS. But Im not expecting a reply, since I know she wouldn't. At least I have expressed what I feel towards her, though it's not enough for me, there's nothing I can do for the moment. Feeling kinda lonely again, another battle rages on my head, heart over mind, mind over matter. But in the end, I've manage to find peace once again and slept @ 3:30am.
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Tuesday 17th of May 2005:
Usual routine, woke up @9:00am, went to my cousin's house to read local news(which I make it a habit every morning). After reading the local news, login to the NET, check some emails, and post some stuff in the forum(iSTORYA.net), check friendster, then play Ragnarok for an hour together with their youngest son(Aldrin), "dindin". After playing ate my lunch, took a bath then report for work.
Same class schedule, 1:00pm - 3:00pm Computer Architecture, 3:00pm-5:00pm Advance C Programming, 5:00-7:00pm Object Oriented Programming with C++. After class, dinner outside SM, together with Henry, Omar, Richie & Don. We used to eat grilled pork/grilled squid/grilled fish and "Tinuwang ISDA". We always eat after our class 7pm-7:30pm since last week, and this is our daily routine every night.
After office, I went straight home, feeling a little shaky again...this time I wanted to talk to her, but I wouldnt, she might not answer my calls. I might feel down again if I do that. What I did, I called her Mom, in their apartment in the city, and we talk about her...how was she doing in BOHOL. During our talk, I've learned that they went to Bohol to attend the annual town fiesta. Too bad, I wasn't there to visit. Last two years ago, we went there together with Honey and a close friend.
We've talk about Mommy's(I used to call her mom Mommy) travel to Bohol, we never had the chance to talk about Honey and Me. Maybe her Mom is also trying to stay away from the topic coz everytime Im bringing the topic back, Mommy would stray away to another story. So I've noticed it, I just listened to Mommy's story about their travel in Bohol, then we came to the topic of getting a passport and the requirements of getting one. I told Mommy, that my requirements is due this week, in fact it's to be released on THURSDAY, May 19, 2005.
Going back to the topic between me and Honey...Mommy told me to let her(Honey) be, maybe she needs a little space in her life in Bohol. "Pasagda-e lng na cya Lot, ayaw teksi, aron matagam", I think thats what Mommy said to me, more or less. But too late I had already sent two messages to her yesterday. Well, too bad. Later, we had to cut the conversation short coz Mommy has an upset stomach due to the food she had eaten in Bohol. After saying goodbye, I felt at least relieved and comforted by the words of Mommy. *sigh*
After talking to Mommy, I went online to iSTORYA.net and read/post some opinion and stuff, check my email(hoping a message from her), check my friendster account and look at her account if she has been online and read my message. Too bad, she was not online. Oh, well off I go, and went to sleep at around 2:00am, though it was a bit early when I arrived in my room I just couldnt sleep during those times til 2am or wee hours.
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Wednesday, 18th of May 2005:
Same routine again, woke up @ 9-10am, prepare to take a bath, read the news, eat brunch, off to office and report for work. Attend to my class, send schedule 1-3pm/3-5pm/5-7pm. Hmmm...This day is just an ordinary day...nothing happened much, except for Marie not to attend her class again. Oh well, she got this soar throat thing...going on. I just hope that she would be fine and be able to report back to my class.
After office, went online again, checked my email, friendster and the forum of course. I went home at around 1am and slept at around 2am+. Daily routine.....nothing's much.
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Thursday, 19th of May 2005:
Hmmmm....this day I have received my NSO Certificate of Live Birth, one of the requirements for getting a passport to travel. Im glad and feeling cheeky, at least I got it were I planned it and scheduled. Right!
After reporting to office, 1:30pm we had a staff meeting regarding a lot of internal changes in the organization and what's going on internally in the office. Well, I was not kinda paying attention to it, and not really interested in listening(am I a bad influence/example to you? My Bad! =( ). I just surf around the net and posted some stuff and listened again to teh meeting.
Well, nothings really much this day, I had to skip my class with Abby coz we're still in a meeting, it was adjourned at around 3pm just in time for my next class. But when the time came....all of my students where absent and none of them came :( my bad...was my subject really that hard? Oh well, might as well use the vacant time motivating my self.
Dinner time, Lalhai(my officemate) and I went for a dinner at Triple V Express. I ordered Pork Steak, and she ordered Sizzling Sisig. During dinner, we had a little chit-chat about what's going on in the office, and all sort of stuff that made us laugh/oohh/ahhh../really??. Heheh it's just between the two of us. After dinner went back to the office, then went home after 10pm. That's basically it.
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Friday, 20th of May 2005:
Same routine, wake up, read the local news @ my cousins house, eat brunch, take a bath, report to office, attend to my classes, @ 7:00-7:30pm dinner outside SM.
*This day I have received my NBI clearance, another requirement for getting a passport to travel. Im cheeky again! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~* kid stuff! lols.
after office hours... a kiss from a Beer, then shiver and fleer
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*My rest day, my day off!
I woke up with a little feeling of headache.....as a result of our night-out last night. Hehehe...I just stayed in bed for a while and tried to let the feeling subside until I can get over this kind of whatever...(side effects of having too much drink...but amazingly I wasnt drunk). That's what you get from drinking too much beer(???).
When I got up, I wash my face and went straight to my cousin's house to read the local news, eat my brunch and went online to update my blog. Since dindin(the youngest son of my cousin, and everyone's fav bunsoy) is also using the PC to play ragnarok, I have to cut my updating short and let him use the PC. Adorable kid! We used to play WWF Wrestling together in their sala, when he was not yet hooked on ragnarok. :P
After watching him play and guiding him in game, I went off to StarTrax Internet Cafe to update my BLOG! After 3hours of comtemplating/re-evaluating the obsence(lols) events that had happened/ and typing......Woooooooooohuuuuu!~!!!!! and it's done! hehehe...I just have to update it tomorrow. Im off for now!
see u tomorrow! :P~
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As promised, here is my whole week update! :P
Last update: May 21, 2005 Time: 6:45pm
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Hey! It's been a while since my last update of my BLOG. It has been a week already!!! x.X Shame on me XD. Im gonna update this blog soon, right know im kinda busy...my brain is not working properly....im stressed out of the week's work....jeeezzzz. I need a vacation, in New York! :P
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Well, just to summarize what I have done in the past week, hmmmm.....let me start last:
Saturday 14th of May, 2005:
*This is just a summary details will be posted later*
it's my day off, but I have a dinner date with my dear friend Dabie, after the delicious dinner, we watched a very nice movie Kingdom of Heaven, after a few talks, she went home, I went online to my FAV Forum spot iSTORYA.net. Then I went home @ 1:30am to sleep.
*The details*
Well Saturday basically my day off, no work for me. ^_^ Let's start from the time I wake up hmmm. I got up at around 9:30am....flexing muscles a little bit then goes out, to my cousin's house to play Ragnarok(an ONLINE game). Then at 2pm I took a bath to meet this dear friend of mine. I promised her a dinner date at this cozy place, coz we haven't seen/talk in while(since graduating High School, just imagine how many years was that :P). I arrive in SM around 3:30pm and waited till 5pm. We're supposed to meet @ 5pm and go the place together.
After an hour, my friend Dabie(her name is DABIE btw) sent an SMS telling me to fetch her @ Globe Business Center in SM. So off I went and we met there. After a few, hi's and hello's and chitchat we decided to walk and bought a book from National Bookstore for her reference in the subject she's handling Turbo Pascal. And since, it's still early and the sun is still up, we strolledaround the mall and talk about our life. The usual how are you?, how's it goin? kind of question.
When we noticed that it's about 5:30, we took a cab and went to the place. We arrived 15mins after, since there is no traffic, and the driver of the cab knows his way around the road in the city. The name of the place btw is Casa Verde, it got a lot of referrals from my friends and cousins, it famous for their affordable "Baby Back Ribs" and "Death by Chocolate" dessert. I wanted to take HONEY their but since she's away and were not in good terms, I tookDabie instead.
After we ordered our meal from the waiter, dinner time! And it's the baby back ribs alright as our main course! It's huge....so big that it's enough for two person. Aside from being affordable, it's also delicious, the meat is tender and juicy. Idont have to describe it all, over-all the dinner was superb. After dinner, we decided to watch "Kingdom of Heaven". After watching.....and few talks about my demise(sarcasm!!! eeeebil!), we decided to go home and went on our separate ways, she went home and I went online, post some stuff in iSTORYA.net, played an online game, then I went home around 1:30am. Feeling down again....was able to sleep @3am....I think.
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Sunday 15th of May, 2005:
I woke up feeling nostalgic to my one and only....again...I felt empty inside. It was exactly 1 week since we last spoke, and our last conversation was not that good, about letting her go. I was kinda mad in explaining about it, but our conversation was interupted coz we're out of cellphone load. Just thinking about it, makes me feel....ugh! Never mind!
Stayed in bed for a while, thinking about just everything that happened to us. I was thinking of her, I was thinking of our future/her future/my future and all the possibilities there is. After a lot of thinking, I stood up, and said to myself, I have to move on....time will wait for no one if I dont do something about my future(bah! talking big, but deep inside im empty without her). I went outside, saw my brothers in the place where most of towns people hang out. I have to moved on....somehow It made me comfortable for a while, and it's good. :)
After lunch, I went to the office to prepare for my class in the afternoon @ 4:00pm, called Dabie, made a few chatter then attend to my class. After my class, I went home and changed to my casual clothes. When I as about to sleep, Im feeling lonely again. I got up, and went online again, hoping that I can catch her in YM! by chance, I am missing her so much! Since my efforts was futile, I went home with the nostalgic feeling again.
In my room for about 2 hours later, I still couldnt sleep, I just keep on consoling my self, I grab a motivational book, and read a few pages, then one page made me snap to my senses.
"If no one else would motivate you, MOTIVATE yourself.", more or less it sound that way. Then I told my self, I can move on...I can move on...life will definitely move on. Then suddenly, I've found peace in me, and last thing I noticed was, I am sleeping. :)
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Monday 16th of May, 2005:
This day, I woke early @6am I was already awake. I got up, eat my breakfast and took a bath and ready my self to process my NBI(National Bureau of Investigation) Clearance, one of the requirements for acquiring a PASSPORT to travel in other countries. Me and two of my officemates had a scheduled to meet at "La Fortuna Bakeshop" near the Capitol of Cebu.
I arrived at exactly 10am in the meeting place, while my two companion was on their way also. Few minutes later, we went to the NBI office to process our clearance. During processing, I saw a familiar face, it was Charo, a dear friend way back in college days. She was also processing her NBI Clearance in preparation to apply another job in other company. We made a few chatter while she was falling in line to pay in the cashier, after that we I say goodbye to her then, we went off the place and report to the office for duty. We arrived at exatcly 11:30am, thirty minutes earlier for our reporting time. I am happy, during this day, I have seen a familiar face, that made me realize that life is really worth exploring than just working and going home routine.
At 1pm, I had a class with my student, Abbey. Then 3pm another class for Advance C Programming, then in 5pm, C++ Programming. 7pm I was already free, and posting some stuff in iSTORYA.net. Went home, feeling kinda lonely again. I am missing her so much than before, I couldnt bear it any longer, I've sent two messages via SMS. But Im not expecting a reply, since I know she wouldn't. At least I have expressed what I feel towards her, though it's not enough for me, there's nothing I can do for the moment. Feeling kinda lonely again, another battle rages on my head, heart over mind, mind over matter. But in the end, I've manage to find peace once again and slept @ 3:30am.
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Tuesday 17th of May 2005:
Usual routine, woke up @9:00am, went to my cousin's house to read local news(which I make it a habit every morning). After reading the local news, login to the NET, check some emails, and post some stuff in the forum(iSTORYA.net), check friendster, then play Ragnarok for an hour together with their youngest son(Aldrin), "dindin". After playing ate my lunch, took a bath then report for work.
Same class schedule, 1:00pm - 3:00pm Computer Architecture, 3:00pm-5:00pm Advance C Programming, 5:00-7:00pm Object Oriented Programming with C++. After class, dinner outside SM, together with Henry, Omar, Richie & Don. We used to eat grilled pork/grilled squid/grilled fish and "Tinuwang ISDA". We always eat after our class 7pm-7:30pm since last week, and this is our daily routine every night.
After office, I went straight home, feeling a little shaky again...this time I wanted to talk to her, but I wouldnt, she might not answer my calls. I might feel down again if I do that. What I did, I called her Mom, in their apartment in the city, and we talk about her...how was she doing in BOHOL. During our talk, I've learned that they went to Bohol to attend the annual town fiesta. Too bad, I wasn't there to visit. Last two years ago, we went there together with Honey and a close friend.
We've talk about Mommy's(I used to call her mom Mommy) travel to Bohol, we never had the chance to talk about Honey and Me. Maybe her Mom is also trying to stay away from the topic coz everytime Im bringing the topic back, Mommy would stray away to another story. So I've noticed it, I just listened to Mommy's story about their travel in Bohol, then we came to the topic of getting a passport and the requirements of getting one. I told Mommy, that my requirements is due this week, in fact it's to be released on THURSDAY, May 19, 2005.
Going back to the topic between me and Honey...Mommy told me to let her(Honey) be, maybe she needs a little space in her life in Bohol. "Pasagda-e lng na cya Lot, ayaw teksi, aron matagam", I think thats what Mommy said to me, more or less. But too late I had already sent two messages to her yesterday. Well, too bad. Later, we had to cut the conversation short coz Mommy has an upset stomach due to the food she had eaten in Bohol. After saying goodbye, I felt at least relieved and comforted by the words of Mommy. *sigh*
After talking to Mommy, I went online to iSTORYA.net and read/post some opinion and stuff, check my email(hoping a message from her), check my friendster account and look at her account if she has been online and read my message. Too bad, she was not online. Oh, well off I go, and went to sleep at around 2:00am, though it was a bit early when I arrived in my room I just couldnt sleep during those times til 2am or wee hours.
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Wednesday, 18th of May 2005:
Same routine again, woke up @ 9-10am, prepare to take a bath, read the news, eat brunch, off to office and report for work. Attend to my class, send schedule 1-3pm/3-5pm/5-7pm. Hmmm...This day is just an ordinary day...nothing happened much, except for Marie not to attend her class again. Oh well, she got this soar throat thing...going on. I just hope that she would be fine and be able to report back to my class.
After office, went online again, checked my email, friendster and the forum of course. I went home at around 1am and slept at around 2am+. Daily routine.....nothing's much.
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Thursday, 19th of May 2005:
Hmmmm....this day I have received my NSO Certificate of Live Birth, one of the requirements for getting a passport to travel. Im glad and feeling cheeky, at least I got it were I planned it and scheduled. Right!
After reporting to office, 1:30pm we had a staff meeting regarding a lot of internal changes in the organization and what's going on internally in the office. Well, I was not kinda paying attention to it, and not really interested in listening(am I a bad influence/example to you? My Bad! =( ). I just surf around the net and posted some stuff and listened again to teh meeting.
Well, nothings really much this day, I had to skip my class with Abby coz we're still in a meeting, it was adjourned at around 3pm just in time for my next class. But when the time came....all of my students where absent and none of them came :( my bad...was my subject really that hard? Oh well, might as well use the vacant time motivating my self.
Dinner time, Lalhai(my officemate) and I went for a dinner at Triple V Express. I ordered Pork Steak, and she ordered Sizzling Sisig. During dinner, we had a little chit-chat about what's going on in the office, and all sort of stuff that made us laugh/oohh/ahhh../really??. Heheh it's just between the two of us. After dinner went back to the office, then went home after 10pm. That's basically it.
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Friday, 20th of May 2005:
Same routine, wake up, read the local news @ my cousins house, eat brunch, take a bath, report to office, attend to my classes, @ 7:00-7:30pm dinner outside SM.
*This day I have received my NBI clearance, another requirement for getting a passport to travel. Im cheeky again! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ~* kid stuff! lols.
after office hours... a kiss from a Beer, then shiver and fleer
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Friday, May 13, 2005
RANDOM
it just struck me, how do you define the word random?
according to http://www.dictionary.com
at random
Without a governing design, method, or purpose; unsystematically: chose a card at random from the deck.
======================
From my suddenly opinionated mind, defines the word RANDOM, as
"The absence or lack thereof of consistency of being or state."
then suddenly.....I can think no more..... weird stuff! (x.X)
according to http://www.dictionary.com
ran·dom (adj.)
- Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective: random movements.
- Mathematics & Statistics. Of or relating to a type of circumstance or event that is described by a probability distribution.
- Of or relating to an event in which all outcomes are equally likely, as in the testing of a blood sample for the presence of a substance.
at random
Without a governing design, method, or purpose; unsystematically: chose a card at random from the deck.
======================
From my suddenly opinionated mind, defines the word RANDOM, as
"The absence or lack thereof of consistency of being or state."
then suddenly.....I can think no more..... weird stuff! (x.X)
I cant sleep! x.X
12:36am Fri, May 13, 2005
I decided to write this journal on this waking hour coz I can't sleep. After my work at the office @10pm, I decided to go to the Internet Cafe that I used to play Online Games. I bought a chocolate snack, after about a while when I was finished eating my snack I was feeling kinda bored, and also due to the humid weather(even the airconditioning unit could not withstand the humid climate) I decided to go home and sleep early.
When I got home at around 10:30pm, I went straight to bed, I said "Early to bed, so that early to rise tomorrow". After I change my clothes to a comfortable one, I lied down then started thinking about a few things that's going on in my life, my future, my eternal LOVE to HONEY, thinking about why did she leave me, what was happening in our relationship. After feeling all the pain(in short self-pity). Even though it hurts, Im still consoling myself not to do such act(self-pity) coz of it's destructive nature.
After a while I decided to go to sleep, I position my self comfortably and started to close my eyes to prepare for my sleep. Twenty minutes have past, still I can't sleep, something's bothering me. Im still thinking about our relationship, my future if I work abroad, what will happen to me/to us in the next five years of our lives.
Checking the current time, it's already 11pm, and still I can't sleep. I got up, and sat on the bed instead of lying, something is really bothering me...but I don't know what. Watching the time goes by...I position my self to sleep again. I lied down. After some time, still I can't sleep!! The time is already 11:30pm, I want to sleep but I couldn't. I got up again, this time I went to the fridge and drank a couple glasses of water and told myself. "Maybe that's all I needed to sleep, to drink water"
I went to bed again. I closed my eyes and concentrate on sleeping again. After a few moments...I can feel/sense that it's working coz Im feeling sleepy and drowsy already. Then here it goes again, random thoughts came rushing to my head. I was restless and unable to sleep, no matter how I change my position, still I couldnt sleep. Is something or someone bothering me in my sleep? I don't know, all I know is I want to go to sleep but I can't
Maybe I have a sleeping disorder or maybe I have Insomia? o.0 ?????......naaaaahhhh......maybe.......maybe not! But this is the first time that I was restless and couldnt sleep. What do you think?? No don't think...it's just my personal BLOG!
I decided to write this journal on this waking hour coz I can't sleep. After my work at the office @10pm, I decided to go to the Internet Cafe that I used to play Online Games. I bought a chocolate snack, after about a while when I was finished eating my snack I was feeling kinda bored, and also due to the humid weather(even the airconditioning unit could not withstand the humid climate) I decided to go home and sleep early.
When I got home at around 10:30pm, I went straight to bed, I said "Early to bed, so that early to rise tomorrow". After I change my clothes to a comfortable one, I lied down then started thinking about a few things that's going on in my life, my future, my eternal LOVE to HONEY, thinking about why did she leave me, what was happening in our relationship. After feeling all the pain(in short self-pity). Even though it hurts, Im still consoling myself not to do such act(self-pity) coz of it's destructive nature.
After a while I decided to go to sleep, I position my self comfortably and started to close my eyes to prepare for my sleep. Twenty minutes have past, still I can't sleep, something's bothering me. Im still thinking about our relationship, my future if I work abroad, what will happen to me/to us in the next five years of our lives.
Checking the current time, it's already 11pm, and still I can't sleep. I got up, and sat on the bed instead of lying, something is really bothering me...but I don't know what. Watching the time goes by...I position my self to sleep again. I lied down. After some time, still I can't sleep!! The time is already 11:30pm, I want to sleep but I couldn't. I got up again, this time I went to the fridge and drank a couple glasses of water and told myself. "Maybe that's all I needed to sleep, to drink water"
I went to bed again. I closed my eyes and concentrate on sleeping again. After a few moments...I can feel/sense that it's working coz Im feeling sleepy and drowsy already. Then here it goes again, random thoughts came rushing to my head. I was restless and unable to sleep, no matter how I change my position, still I couldnt sleep. Is something or someone bothering me in my sleep? I don't know, all I know is I want to go to sleep but I can't
Maybe I have a sleeping disorder or maybe I have Insomia? o.0 ?????......naaaaahhhh......maybe.......maybe not! But this is the first time that I was restless and couldnt sleep. What do you think?? No don't think...it's just my personal BLOG!
I am Deviant!
ey, I just published my so called arts in Devian Art...so I am DEVIAN!! I will rule the world.....(evil grin, then evil laughter). me thinks....this only happens in the movies lols..
Anyways....here's the link! Have a feast on my so-called art! :P
I am Deviant
Anyways....here's the link! Have a feast on my so-called art! :P
I am Deviant
Thursday, May 12, 2005
a little piece of art
Nothings much I just got bored yesterday and I decided to scribble using MSPAINT program for windows. I usually draw solitary stuffs like a tree, plant, flower, mountain...whenever im alone/lonely/down/bored? Does that mean something? Well, here it is....just judge for your self, it's my first attempt to publish my so called art. :P~
Random Scribble of the TREE
Finished TREE
Marie, what do you think of the TREE? I know..it's not your type of ART.
Random Scribble of the TREE
Finished TREE
Marie, what do you think of the TREE? I know..it's not your type of ART.
Hi...just dropping by!
Hi...im just dropping by.
Actually I'm not feeling alright....I don't know....Im having second thoughts on sharing this ONLINE. Just give me time....maybe through time...I can compose myself again.
Meanwhile, here's a song from Alicia Keys. Nice song.....*sigh*
=====================================
If I aint' got you
by Alicia Keys
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what’s withinAnd I’ve been there before
But that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, Yeah
Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that’s the only way to prove you love 'em
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, yeah
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you
If I ain’t got you with me baby
See, nothing in this whole wide world don’t mean a thing
If I ain’t got you with me baby
Actually I'm not feeling alright....I don't know....Im having second thoughts on sharing this ONLINE. Just give me time....maybe through time...I can compose myself again.
Meanwhile, here's a song from Alicia Keys. Nice song.....*sigh*
=====================================
If I aint' got you
by Alicia Keys
Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what’s withinAnd I’ve been there before
But that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, Yeah
Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that’s the only way to prove you love 'em
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, yeah
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it aint you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you
If I ain’t got you with me baby
See, nothing in this whole wide world don’t mean a thing
If I ain’t got you with me baby
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Welcome Back!
Wow, it's almost a year since I got back from this blog! From some time I have been thinking of updating my BLOG, but....im just plain lazy~there are times that I have forgotten about this blog and just like my OLD blog account.....forgotten to oblivion!
This time it's gonna change...coz Im gonna update this blog from time to time. There are a lot of things I want to discuss here from the moment I sign up from this blog up to the present happening in my life. Well, maybe not all but certainly im gonna publish them all here.
Wish me luck again! for another episode of my life. Thanks to Marie for encouraging me to update my BLOG! :P~
This time it's gonna change...coz Im gonna update this blog from time to time. There are a lot of things I want to discuss here from the moment I sign up from this blog up to the present happening in my life. Well, maybe not all but certainly im gonna publish them all here.
Wish me luck again! for another episode of my life. Thanks to Marie for encouraging me to update my BLOG! :P~
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